|
 |
Santa Pritch's Top 10 Holiday Movie Picks
|
|
December 6, 2001 - Brian "Stocking Stuffer" Pritchard (Columnist)
Happy Holidays, everyone... Santa Pritch here. You know, it's the same damn thing every year. You finally decide what you're gonna be for Halloween, and the next thing you know, you're making plans for New Years. Before you know it, you're thinking "Wait a minute… what the heck happened to Christmas?" And most likely, all you can recall is spending the better part of three weeks waiting for a parking space and then deciding if your mom would prefer some nice perfume or a decent pair of slippers. I mean, c'mon! Who needs that? Whether you like it or not, Christmas is going to be gone before you get a chance to slow down and actually enjoy it. What you need to make the yuletide gay is to take a break, nestle in and watch a good Christmas movie. Yeah, you heard me. Abandon the malls and go home. Gather around the DVD player (and you better have one by now, you silly bastard) and spend some time with the people you love. Better yet, do this to GET AWAY from the people you love for an hour or two. "But Pritch… I have NO TIME to watch a movie, let alone pick out ONE from the multitudes of crap available." Relax. Just fire up the popcorn, grab some hot chocolate and a blanket, and leave the rest up to me. Here are the ten best holiday treats to make your Christmas a little brighter. (All entries are available on DVD and –pfft- VHS.)
|
10. Lethal Weapon
Face it. Riggs and Murtaugh are like family to us, and getting together with family is what the holidays are all about. But family members that shoot heroin dealers are WAY cooler, and they won’t ask you what you’re “doing with your life” either. Besides, any film that starts off with a naked chick plunging from a high rise while “Jingle Bell Rock” plays over the soundtrack will get my vote as a holiday classic any old day of the year.
|
|
9. Misery
It’s never said when the film takes place–there are no holiday references–but Misery is such a great film, it deserves a place on the chart anyway. It’s a nice, heart-warming tale of two people trying to work out their differences, set against a winter in the mountains. Plus, it’s got lots and lots of snow to help give it that Christmas feel. Go to a log cabin and watch it with one person you DON’T love. Just make sure you don’t get hobbled.
|
|
8. Gremlins
A quaint, mid-western town is taken over by ‘little green monsters’ in the ultimate tale of how one innocent Christmas present can unleash hell on your life, especially if you get it wet (and no, I’m not talking about the Chia Pet your little brother got you). Though the sequel was a superior, much funnier film, this one has got the snow, the pine trees, and Corey Feldman. And in the end, that’s what we really need at this time of year. Corey Feldman.
|
|
7. The Santa Clause
A very sweet, very funny film, The Santa Clause is at last a fresh and clever take on the Santa Claus myth. This one takes what we adults already know - that Santa doesn’t exist–and then tells us that not only DOES he exist, but he’s really just one of us, passing on the job from one guy to the next. Tim Allen is perfectly cast as the non-believer who ends up next in line. The Santa Clause is a nice family movie with heart and imagination that never once panders to kids or bores adults.
|
|
6. Home Alone
Say what you will about the mysterious phenomenon that was Macaulay Culkin - when it comes to evoking a Christmas feel, this guilty pleasure does the trick. If nothing else, John Williams’ beautiful score deserves a place on any Christmas list. Highly overrated during its initial run and quite underrated now, Home Alone is actually very sweet and always good for some laughs. For added kicks, watch how Culkin’s facial expressions always seem to be three seconds behind the rest of his performance.
|
|
5. A Christmas Story
If the words “official, Red Ryder carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle” don’t ring a bell – if your first thought isn’t to say “You’ll shoot your eye out!” – then you have seriously missed out on one of cinema’s greatest moments. Set in the 1940’s, “Christmas Story” is the timeless and definitive tale of every kid’s dream to get the one present he has longed for all year. Poignant, hilarious, and NOT to be missed. (Although I will say…it would rank higher on the list if it weren’t kind of annoying to watch over and over.)
|
|
4. Die Hard
“Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho.” You know, it’s a sad day when you meet someone who can actually say, “I’ve never seen Die Hard (and you people know who you are). In fact, sitting them down and making them watch this is probably the best (and cheapest) gift you can give them this whole year. In my humble opinion, there are under ten really decent action films ever made, and this is the one to beat. AND it takes place on Christmas Eve, which earns it a spot on this list. Memorable dialogue, one of the best villains ever committed to film, a completely realistic hero, and suspense that never lets up for a minute. You want more? Watch the damn movie.
|
|
3. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Steve Martin and John Candy star in one of the funniest movies of all time. As the ultimate Thanksgiving movie, "PT&A" is just as important to the holidays as turkey and stuffing. Watch the parade, play some football, pretend to listen to what your relatives have to say… and then pop in this classic to shut everybody up. Finally, the Thanksgiving bitching will end, and the laughter will begin. Word to the wise: Any conservative family members should cover their ears the moment Steve Martin walks into the car rental company.
|
|
2. Christmas Vacation
The argument made by "PT&A" – that traveling during the holidays is a nightmare – is given a run for its money with this, the third and best in the ‘Vacation’ series. The lesson? Staying at home isn’t much better. This movie literally covers every angle of the annoying side to Christmas – from picking a tree, to putting up lights, to the whole damn family sleeping in one damn house. Randy Quaid is perfect reprising his role as white trash cousin Eddie, and Chevy Chase is hysterical in what was to be (if you really think about it) his last funny role.
|
|
1. Scrooged
What would Christmas be without the definitive tale of Ebenezer Scrooge? Still, if you’re like me, you’re sick of that whiny little bastard, Tiny Tim, and all that other stuffy British crap too. Which is why Scrooged is my favorite Christmas flick. Instead, you get Bill Murray (the undisputed king of sarcasm) as Frank Cross, a miserable, yet loveable guy who must take a trip through Christmas’s past, present, and future to finally realize he doesn’t have to hate Christmas to be happy. It’s feel-good without the sappiness. (Little bit of trivia: It’s rumored that Murray ad-libbed the entire rant at the end of the film.) Thank baby Jesus for Christmas, AND this fantastic holiday film.
|
K, you’ve still got a lot of choices out there. But the following are to be avoided like a fruit cake from 1984:
Santa Claus:The Movie
Terrible, terrible, terrible. And Dudley Moore doesn’t even play a drunk. I mean, what’s the point? Dudley Moore should ALWAYS be drunk.
Jingle All the Way
Arnold Schwarzenegger had a run of luck with comedies such as Twins, Kindergarten Cop, and Junior. It officially ran out with this one.
Home For the Holidays
A movie about relatives getting together for Thanksgiving that is more painful to endure than ACTUALLY getting together with your relatives for Thanksgiving.
Jack Frost
Three words… Creepy Looking Snowman. ‘Nuff said.
It's a Wonderful Life
STOP! I don’t want to hear it! It’s boring. It’s depressing. And it BARELY takes place at Christmas! And don’t even get me started on the colorized version.
|
|
|
Opinions, we all have them. Our's is not the same as yours. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. The point is, if you don't agree fine. If you do agree, even better. Just realize this: everything said on these pages, is an opinion, and should be taken as such. If you are offended by what is said, just don't come back. Please do not resort to childish flaming or spamming of our message board or monk.e.mail address below, but do feel free to drop us a line with any intelligent comments you may have.
Thanks,
Brad & Tim. |
DMLives@gmail.com
|
