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Starship Troopers 3: Marauder DVD Review
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August 15, 2008 - Tim "Brain Bug" Wann (Columnist)
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Some movies are so bad they are good. Paul Verhoeven's original Starship Troopers practically defines the term 'guilty pleasure'. Akin to throwing Aliens, Predator, Total Recall, and "90210" into a blender and serving it with a side of cheese and cornballs - It was a tip of a cap to the Regan-era, bombastic, over the top, blow hard, three breasted, squib squirting action flicks that Verhoeven was a master of. Let's face it, by the mid 90s, American cinema had lost it's balls. The political climate had changed, and the audience for those movies either grew up or softened up, because it tanked. It barely made back half it's 90 million budget. I loved it, and my friends loved it. But even a fan like me was surprised that a movie like this slipped past the execs who green lit it. You wonder if they were drunk or did it on a dare. It just felt out of time and place. A decade later, it holds up quite well and has deservedly become a cult, sci-fi gem. You'll realize just how good the original is once you compare it to the direct to DVD dud that is Starship Troopers 3: Marauder.
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What happened to part 2, you may ask? I honestly never saw the direct to DVD Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation and for good reason. It's known to be historically bad, even by C-list, low budget sci-fi standards. By all accounts, it's best skipped over and existence forgotten - so consider that warning heeded. I do know that it had no Johnny Rico, no Neil Patrick Harris, Verhoeven wasn't involved, and none of what made the original great managed to filter into the sequel. Top that off with a budget of only 7 million and one can imagine the results.
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Starship Troopers 3: Marauder has some things going for it. For one the budget cracked the 20 million mark, so the effects are serviceable, even if still direct to DVD quality. Johnny Rico (Casper Van Dien) is back and brings some semblance of the original magic (although NPH is still gravely missed). It features some gratuitous nudity, which is always a crowd pleaser. And the government propaganda news reels ripe with political satire are here again in full force. Those elements met with expectations at near minimum levels should create a decent time, right? Not really.
The basic plot goes a little something like this. The bugs are back, of course. More to the point the Federation needs Johnny Rico, who was thought to be dead, back in action to lead a secret rescue mission on planet OM-1. The rescue is to save celebrity Sky Marshal Anoke and his escorts, who happen to be Federation troops of stereotypical quality. The tough bombshell, the wimpy geek, the innocent blond, the meat head grunt, and probably a couple others that I didn't care to remember, are all present and accounted for. Not to spoil it all for you fine people, but OM-1 has more on it than meets the eye and is home to a bug BIGGER than all the other bugs! It's so big that it doesn't even move and looks deceptively like paper mache'. It's THAT big! Thank God the Federation has big guns to fight back. Seriously, the guns are as big as elementary school children - and extra plastic-y for that authentic look.
I won't even get into the poor script or the sub par acting because these were, for the most part, expected. I planned for low brow entertainment when 'play' was pressed. And rest assured, the movie does not disappoint on that level. My major gripes are with the production. The sound is terrible. Most scenes clearly planted the boom mic in a corner or far away from the action, because there is considerable echo and muddiness. I know the writing is bad, but I at least want to hear it. There were also some pretty decent camera angles and artistic effects attempted for style points. But these are foiled by amateur delivery. The camera zooms out with noticeable jerkiness and shakes when people walk near it. These are film school 101 mistakes that shouldn't be happening with a production of 20 million. Huge, calogen lips are what needs to happen with a production of 20 million, and thankfully you get those in force.
Secondly I just didn't buy into the unnecessary religious overtones crammed down our throat by the time the credits roll. It made a mockery of all the glutenous fun a film like this is good for - blood, guts, cheap thrills and major boobage. I can understand trying to deliver some sort of message to your audience, but I have a hard time believing someone renting "Starship Troopers 3" is searching for enlightenment or a spiritual journey.
Yes, Johnny Rico is back, but that's all this film has going for it - if you consider that a plus. A movie like this is hard to review because it's almost intentionally bad. But as I stated, some movies are so bad they are good. And that's what I was hoping for. Here the movie is so bad it's forgettable. It's not offensive and it's not awful - it's just lame. Even the Marauder power suit (equal to being this movie's 'money shot') is lame. Put some flamethrowers on Dr. Igoe's suit from Innerspace, and you get the idea. Bottom line is you've seen everything here before in better sci-fi action movies, so why bother? Unless of course you want to see half of Casper Van Dien's dick. You know our policy. Don't ask don't tell, trooper.
Also, why did it take three films to figure out that bugs hate fire? Oh I know, to make more money.
Would you like to buy more? No thanks. Three helpings is enough, guys.
 3/10
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Starship Troopers 3
Starring:
Casper Van Dien
Jolene Blalock
Boris Kodjoe
Directed by:
Edward Neumeier
Written by:
Edward Neumeier
Rated: R
Violence
Language
Nudity
Suckiness
Briefly, how we rate the movies we see...
| 10 |
_Perfect
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| 9 |
_Excellent
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| 8 |
_Great
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| 7 |
_Very Good
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| 6 |
_Good
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| 5 |
_Not Bad
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| 4 |
_Not Good
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| 3 |
_Pretty Bad
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| 2 |
_Really Bad
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| 1 |
_Suck Ass
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| 0 |
_Feces on Film
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