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TNA Pay Per View Pick 'Em: Slammiversary '07
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June 15, 2007 - TNA Crew
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They wanted to call it "Stroke the Line" but that sounded a little too naughty. |
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Has it been 5 years already? Wow. Seems just like yesterday that Jeff Jarrett called me up and asked if a new wrestling promotion based out of Nashville had a chance in hell of making it in today's sports entertainment market. "Jeff," I said, "look, I gotta be honest. The company will be dead in under 5 years. But if you've gotta do it, hire Kurt Angle at some point." Okay, fine, that didn't happen... and I haven't even been watching TNA that WHOLE time, but I'm pretty sure that this is my 3rd Slammiversary so that's gotta count for something.
A bunch of stuff has happened in TNA over the last month which may or may not affect the PPV this Sunday. Scott Steiner got kicked in the throat in Puerto Rico by former (let me underline that, former) TNA star Apolo during a tag-team match. He didn't notice any problems until that night when he started coughing up blood. he immediately went to the hospital and underwent surgery to fix Apolo's fuck up. He'll be out for 6 months. Let me just say "FUCK YOU, Apolo". You were useless in TNA and you continue to work your magic by fucking over TNA when you don't even work there anymore. Good job, douche. This development does not bode well for the planned Team 3D/Steiner brothers match, which was probably one of the more anticipated matches on the card. Popular thought is that someone will be used to replace Scott... maybe Tomko. I dunno. What I do know is, that if TNA had half a brain among it's creative types, they'd use this opportunity to turn the Steiners face and 3D heel.
In other news, Jeff Jarrett's wife Jill lost her battle with cancer and passed away a few weeks ago. This has placed a large question mark over Jeff's involvement in the PPV but most assume he'll be involved in some capacity, possibly taking the 5th spot in the King of the Mountain match. After all, it is the match HE created.
Speaking of creating things, every month Cory, Chris and I create picks to determine who is teh smarterest wrasslin' guy in teh intarwebs. Well, when it comes to TNA anyway. On DML. You know what I'm talking about. Here's how the picks have broken down thus far....
| PPV NAME |
Cory |
Brad |
Chris |
Genesis
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5/9 correct |
4/9 correct |
0/0 correct |
Turning Point
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5/8 correct |
4/8 correct |
3/8 correct |
Final Resolution
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4/8 correct |
4/8 correct |
4/8 correct |
Against All Odds
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5/8 correct |
7/8 correct |
5/8 correct |
Destination X
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7/9 correct |
5/9 correct |
7/9 correct |
Lockdown
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7/9 correct |
7/9 correct |
5/9 correct |
Sacrifice
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3/9 correct |
6/9 correct |
3/9 correct |
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| TOTAL CORRECT: |
36/60 correct |
37/60 correct |
27/51 correct |
| % CORRECT: |
60% |
62% |
53% |
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Before I get to my scathing analysis, I just wanted to note that once again our roving rasslin' reporter, Chris Alt will be attending this event LIVE. Look for some DML signs in the crowd!
Anyway, the analysis...
Well well well, lookie what we have here. "Mr. Consistent" Cory Harris seems to have dropped off and had an off month finally. He dipped a painful 5% on his climb to 70% by only getting one third of his picks correct. Chris also had a rough month, dropping 4% and staying in third place. I, however, managed to steal a win by inching up a whole 1% from last month and thereby securing my first lead of the year! First place fools! Let's see if I can maintain this level of superiority, or if Cory and Chris will come out swinging and knock me back down into second or third.
How do we do that? By making picks! So, here we go....
Samoa Joe v. AJ Styles v. Christian Cage v. Kurt Angle v. ??? (King of the Mountain)
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Cory: Jarrett | Brad: Joe | Chris: Jarrett
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Cory's Pick:
The big question here, of course is: will this match actually make sense this year? I’m sure (because Brad complains about it a lot, but it’s just a figure of speech) I’m not the only one who thinks there are too many rules to the match. It’s fine if organized well, but usually there’s a hiccup or two that makes you go "ugh." That’s much worse than things that make you "hmmm."
Since the title is vacated, I hope they make the decision to not have a champ mean something. Christian or Angle winning this match would be anti-climatic and just kind of weak. Angle’s first title moment has been ruined, and if Christian was supposed to be champ here, he would be. So that leaves Samoa Joe, AJ, and the ever-intriguing ???. As funny as AJ is right now, he’s not quite the smart choice. Samoa Joe, the Samoan Submission machine from Samoa who eats Girl Scouts Samoas cookie ice cream, is the fan favorite choice. But if you know me, you know that I believe Cancer is the great equalizer. To the surprise of nobody, "???" will be Jeff Jarrett (or Shark Boy). I think with the loss of Jarrett’s wife, combined with the Nashville setting, combined with the TNA’s 5th anniversary, combined with the fact that my friend text messaged me telling me that he saw Jarrett at a bar on Thursday night, The King of the Mountain climbing to the top here would be the ultimate feel-good moment. Unlike a year ago, when the fans pelted him with trash, I think the Tennessee crowd will give an ovation to Jarrett as he hangs that belt up. If he does, that’s a sign of all that’s right in the world, and I’m actually rooting for that.
Beyond? A feud with Angle for two months, before getting Joe to the top for Bound for Glory. But let’s just enjoy TNA’s Slammiversary condolences card, eh?
Brad's Pick:
In the world of sports entertainment, the King of the Mountain Match can still lay claim to one very important thing. In the days of exploding limousines, KotM is still the biggest cluster-fuck in all of pro-wrestling. Seriously, without incredibly capable cameramen and on-the-ball directors, KotM has consistently delivered a confusing mess of pinfalls, penalty boxes and more question marks than a closet full of Riddler costumes. Speaking of question marks, there's a big one looming over this match. Only 4 of the 5 required participants are slotted to take part. So who's the 5th gonna be? Smart money is on Jeff Jarrett plugging himself into that slot since he, you know, IS the "king of the mountain". Also, you might think he's gonna win the belt too, if you're a retard (Chris? Cory?). Jarrett's stated that he's come to TNA to "give back". A lot of people aren't yet sold on this concept, but I for one trust the man. The best way he could "give back" at TNA's second biggest PPV of the year is to put over the only man in this match who hasn't held a heavyweight title in TNA. It's Samoa Joe. Sure, Angle didn't actually hold on to the belt after last month's Sacrifice PPV, but he did technically win it. So, I see Joe getting the strap with Angle chasing for a few months and Christian getting sniffs here and there as well.
Chris's Pick:
Everytime I shoot my mouth off about how anything in TNA is "obvious", they go a completely different route and I'm left looking like a complete jackoff. That said, its glaringly obvious that the mystery opponent in question is a returning (again) Jeff Jarrett, who will probably be getting the "sorry you're a widower now, bro" push and the title along with it- and maybe I'm turning soft in my old age, but for the first (and likely only) time in my life, I'm okay with that. If TNA wanted the belt on Christian, they wouldn't have taken it off of him in the first place, and cronies don't get world championships, so AJ is out of luck too. Angle and Joe will be too wrapped up with each other to worry about trying to win the match, so Mystery Jarrett ought to capture the gold.
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Team 3D v. Steiner Bros (Tag Team Titles)
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Cory: Team 3D | Brad: Team 3D | Chris: Team 3D
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Cory's Pick:
Since Scott has injured his greatest asset—his voicebox—he’s out for this match, but it’s not reflected anywhere on TNA’s website. Now, Rick Steiner has won the tag titles by himself before. About a decade ago, he beat The Giant, Scott Steiner, and Buff Bagwell to capture the strap and then teams with WCW legend Kenny Kaos! Let’s avoid a repeat of history, shall we? There could be a whole gauntlet of mystery opponents, but I’m thinking Scott makes it to Nashville, only to be written out of the match by a backstage attack, letting Rick put up a valiant effort by himself. Maybe Tomko can fill in, pissing Scott off. I don’t know. But the Dudleys won’t lose here, and maybe we’ll get the DREAM MATCH OF THE MONTH come July.
Brad's Pick:
Well, we all know by now that this match is fucked. Scott's out. Apolo is to blame, or so they say, but I'm sure that being the competitive guy that Steiner is it had more to do with an illegal Kreamy Krust donut eating contest he got himself mixed up in against Samoa Joe down in Puerto Rico. Poor guy just couldn't keep up. So anyway, we've got yet another hole to fill in this match. Rick is all by himself without a partner. It would be a fun place to plug in the newly returned and newly "faced" Abyss. Something about two semi-retarded idiots running around backstage barking at each other before the match appeals to me. "AROO AROO AROOF!" "DOOMPHFF HAAAAAARRRR HOOPF!" "AROO AROOF!" Anyway, if it isn't Abyss, I guess they could slot Tomko in there, but that'd be a bit underwhelming considering that the chemistry between Tomko and Scotty probably won't translate over to Rick. Not that it really matters, Team 3D will win.
Chris's Pick:
Last I heard, due to Scott Steiner's untimely throat injury, this match is not likely to happen. Now, I'm not saying Scott DID hurt his throat by going down on more guys than a drunken Paris Hilton during a conjugal visit, but with that penis tattoo on his chest, you have to kind of question it. Anyway, this is sort of unfortunate, considering this is the first time I have been excited to see Team 3D wrestle in a very long time, but I'm sure once Scott is cleared to wrestle, TNA will drag this feud out for five months anyway. Meanwhile, TNA may decide to pair up Rick with a mystery partner... if so, Raven would be a bitchin choice, but I wouldn't bet on 3D dropping the belts, or the match, to anyone other than both Steiners.
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Chris Sabin v. Jay Lethal (X-Division Title)
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Cory: Lethal | Brad: Lethal | Chris: Lethal
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Cory's Pick:
I think I’ve picked Lethal to win for the last two PPV’s, and just like I picked the Philadelphia Eagles to win the Super Bowl for almost half a decade, I’m sticking to my horse and putting Black Machismo on top here. The guy was on the cover of DML a month ago, so let’s not start a Daddymonkeylives curse, mmkay? Everybody’s waiting for Shelley/Sabin: The Team, and Sabin wasn’t even on the last iMPACT. Mahatma Sonjay will be an interesting component in this match, but it’s about time for Lethal to snap into the X-title, oooh yeah. Then he can sing this song and we’ll be all set. Dig it, dig it!
Brad's Pick:
Ok, I think everyone is actually showing up for this match. I LOVE that Jay Lethal is starting to descend into Crazyville having occupied this "Black Machismo" character too long. He's starting to think that he IS Randy Savage. Can you blame him, though? I mean, Snake Roberts ruined his wedding! Sabin continues to do "dickface heel" perfectly and should be great in this match. The "question mark", if we're to continue the theme, in this match is Hadji. Er... Sonjay. Whoops. It's the outfit. He's gone and become all "peaceful" but something tells me it's all a clever ruse. He'll end up trying to cost Jay the match, but Lethal will pull out the win and get the X title, setting up a feud with Dutt. Sabin will move on to become the other half of the Murder City Machine Guns with Shelley and all will be right with the world.
Chris's Pick:
Besides being more vanilla than actual vanilla, Chris Sabin is also supposed to be joining the tag ranks with Alex Shelley very soon and certainly doesn't need the X-title to do so. Black Machismo has been crazier than a knife-wielding Lindsay Lohan and that momentum should have him walking out of Nashville with a little gold.
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Christopher Daniels v. Sting
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Cory: Sting | Brad: Sting | Chris: Sting
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Cory's Pick:
I loved the Daniels heel turn from iMPACT. Tag in from Sting, then hit his finisher on him. Fun. Most of this feud isn’t, though, and it’s a case of a little too slow of a burn. The normal formula is for the heel to get the win here, but this is a different kind of altercation, built in MYSTERY and SECRECY and AMBIGUITY! So I’m going to go out on a limb and say Sting picks up the win, hoping to be done with Mama’s Fallen Angel, only to have Daniels attack him after the match.
Brad's Pick:
Daniels apparently took some advice from Sting and totally fucked up what he was supposed to do. Dude, just because his face paint is black and white, that doesn't mean that EVERYTHING is supposed to be. There are shades of red, too. Like blood. Wait, maybe I see what Daniels is getting at. Either way, he's gone crazy. Sting, in typical Sting fashion, instead of just humoring Daniels and keeping out of it, decided to start beating Daniels up. Sting, it's ONLY going to encourage him. Which is why I can see Daniels totally letting Sting beat the shit out of him this Sunday. He'll see it as furthering his education under Sting's careful tutelage. Whatever, you whackjob. Sting wins and does a lot of "I don't want to have to do this" while smashing The Fallen Angel's head with his bat. Sting gets in a lot of fights with guys named Chris. Cory's brother... you're next!
Oh, and Daniels, ditch the make-up around your eye. It's lame as hell.
Chris's Pick:
Christopher Daniels is balder than Britney Spears before her 19th trip to rehab. Sting is still a boring, shitty character and a boring, shitty wrestler. What kind of world do we live in when Droz spends everyday in a wheelchair but Sting has full use of his body? Not the kind of world I want to raise children in, I'll tell you that much. And since this world lacks any sort of cosmic justice, I'm sure nothing that would be cool or different or interesting would happen here, like Daniels winning this match, because that youngster Sting has too much to lose by putting a washed-up has-been like Daniels over. Ugh, Sting, please just die already.
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Robert Roode v. Eric Young (For FREEEEDOM!)
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Cory: Roode | Brad: Roode | Chris: Young
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Cory's Pick:
So, this is the long-awaited "Freedom Match." The rules of this match are that both men are bound by their wrists and ankles on a table. Then they’ll each be subject to torture, castration, disembowelment, and various not-so-pleasurable things. The one to scream "FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOMMMMMMMMM!" most passionately wins. I’m guessing Roddy Piper makes a guest appearance.
Seriously, there’s really no use in this going on any further, which means it will. Brad had a (maybe joking, I don’t know) idea for Eric to try to ruin Roode from the inside, and that could be fun. He probably won’t write about it below, though, so you have no idea what I’m talking about. HA! In your face, dear reader. This is all moot, anyway, since Cornette has already said that Roode gets in trouble for tampering. So ridiculous. This shit continues for a bit longer. If I’m wrong, life is soooo right.
Brad's Pick:
After this match, this thing better be DONE one way or another. It's the second biggest PPV of the year for TNA and we aren't getting the Harris/Storm blow off we deserve, so if this doesn't bring at least one of TNA's overextended feuds to a close, I'm gonna be very very disappointed. Really. Now, I could fuck with Cory by writing about my Eric-Young-bankrupts-Robert-Roode-Inc. fantasy booking idea, but I won't. I call it "Bobby Roode needs a new financial manager". Moving on... Roode winning will essentially mean one of two things, the story continues for another 40 months with no end in sight, or he fires Eric on the spot allowing him to move on to other stuff. Don't worry Eric will be back. This one's really tough, because on one hand, you can continue to put Roode over as a mega-dick with the win, or you can give the fans the feel-good moment of the PPV by letting Eric get one over on Roode. Either way, for some reason, I see Roode moving on to an extended feud with Jarrett, and it's less complicated if Young isn't in the picture. So, Roode wins, fires Eric and feuds with Jarrett. Or maybe I'm over thinking it.
Chris's Pick:
This angle won't go into the annals of wrestling history as one of the biggest missed opportunities ever or anything, but you can't say TNA didn't drop the ball with this, either. There were so many creative directions they could have gone here, but instead they just paraded these guys out a few times, had Roode half-heartedly belittle Young once or twice, and got Jeff Jarrett involved for a week. Yeah, you can't really say this angle lived up to its potential. Anyway, Young regains his freedom and celebrates like Micha Barton on her yacht.
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Frank Wycheck/Jerry Lynn v. James Storm/Ron Killings
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Cory: Wycheck | Brad: Wycheck | Chris: Storm/Killings
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Cory's Pick:
Right now I only care about one guy in this match. Guess what? He’s funny and wears hats. Too bad that’s not what wins celebrity matches in the towns where said celebrity became a celebrity, even if the most entertaining guy in the match is named "The Tennessee Cowboy." The team of Football and Old beats Cowboy and Rap.
Brad's Pick:
Wassup? Huh? Wassup? Ah'm trying to drink a beer ya dumb jiggaboo, that's what! WASSUP!? Oh, shut up. Storm and Killings could be a fun team now that Ron's apparently gone bad. Or not. The point of this match is twofold. 1) Get the PPV some more attention in the town in which it's being held. 2) Rob us of another great Storm/Harris match. Screw you TNA. Celebrities always win. Ask David Arquette.
Chris's Pick:
This match has people confused like Jessica Simpson trying to figure out if tuna is chicken. For one thing, I don't think anybody outside of the state of Tennessee has any idea who Frank Wycheck is. For another thing, if Storm is the Tennessee Cowboy, why would he want to fight one of the Tennessee Titans (unless he is actually a displaced Cowboys fan, and even then you'd think he'd be picking a fight with one of the Philadelphia Eagles or something)? For a third thing, why is Ron Killings returning as a heel, and why involve him? For a fourth thing, why involve Jerry Lynn? For a fifth thing, is James Storm still funny and does he still wear hats? This is pretty much the epitome of TNA throwing crap at the wall to see what sticks. I feel like no matter who I pick to win, the other team will lose, so screw it, I'll go with Storm and Killings because Storm is the only one of these guys that I remotely give a crap about.
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Rhino/Chris Harris v. LAX
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Cory: LAX | Brad: LAX | Chris: Rhino/Harris
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Cory's Pick:
At long last, guys with THE SPEAR team up. Now if they had an inter-promotional match with Edge/Bobby Lashley, we’d have more spears than Britney’s annual family pigroast. I’m really big on My Brother right now, but I think that they need to have LAX do well to keep the division strong. Plus, I’ve got a lot of faces winning, so bad guys need to win. I’ll take another month of these guys, anyway.
Brad's Pick:
Konnan and LAX have been beefin' with Hector Guerrero for a couple of months now, so naturally, Harris and Rhino decide to jump in and help out. Because they're nice guys. If the AJ/Rhino feud has taught us anything it's that Rhino is a nosey son of a bitch, so I guess I can't complain too much about his involvement. Harris is obviously just bored since his buddy Storm is busy "hiking it" with some football guy. And neither of them earned a title shot after having the best match I've seen on free TV in months. LAX will "cheat to win", forcing Guerrero to go out and get some real latinos of his own to keep up culturally because Harris and Rhino aren't fooling anyone. They totally look Italian.
Chris's Pick:
I guess after that amazing match Harris had with Storm on Impact a few weeks back, it was time to move on. My, how the mighty have fallen, as a few months ago all four of these guys were among the hottest acts in TNA and now they've been relegated to a midcard match that- much like Nicky Hilton- nobody notices or cares about. LAX should probably win this so they can get back into the tag team hunt, so according to the TNA rules of ass-backward booking for the midcard, the faces will go over in this one.
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Mr. Backlund v. Alex Shelley
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Cory: Backlund | Brad: Backlund | Chris: Backlund
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Cory's Pick:
Backlund wins, and then moves on to a feud with Petey Williams so he can take the Canadian Destroyer. How long has this stuff been going on? Urgh. Shelley doesn’t win on PPV.
Brad's Pick:
Thank CHRIST! I've been waiting for Bob Backlund to get back in the ring for like... minutes now. No wait, it's passed. I sure hope this match is funny because if it isn't I can't imagine where the entertainment value is gonna come from. Hope your shoulders are in good shape Alex, they're gonna be pretty tired from carrying this thing for the 10 minutes it's gonna get. Backlund will school Shelley, getting his coveted book back and then use it to teach Senshi how to read. Awww.
Chris's Pick:
I'd love to say Alex Shelley will win this, but Bob Backlund appears to have become TNA's answer to John Cena, what with the way he has made the entire X-Division his bitch and all. Also, I'm out of pop culture celebutante references, so you're on your own from here out.
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VKM v. Basham/Damaja
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Cory: VKM | Brad: VKM | Chris: VKM
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Cory's Pick:
I texted TNA in hopes that I can win a date with Christy Hemme. When I win, we’ll go out to a nice dinner, and after charming her with a combination of light and poignant conversation, I will slap her for making a feud this stupid. Then we’ll make out, only to have Billy Gunn interrupt and al… uh, hi. What was I talking about? Ahem. If Christy’s team wins, this should be over. If VKM wins, this should be over. I’m going to go with VKM winning and this thing not being over. Oh, and Christy: when we go out, wear that outfit where parts of your top are ripped and you show lots of cleavage. You know the one.
Brad's Pick:
I so very much wish that the fat naked oily guy comes out and drops the bombshell (punny!) that the exploding limo was meant for TNA's VKM and it got sent to the wrong place by mistake. So who will win the match? No, the correct answer is "who gives a fuck". Basham and Damaja have not impressed since coming to TNA and VKM is stale and boring. Sorry Cory, even Kip. There's no way VKM doesn't get a victory after all the jobbing they've done to Hemme's guys lately.
Chris's Pick:
I like Basham and Damaja, but they got the win last month and God knows we can't have VKM losing twice in a row.
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Final Thoughts...
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Cory's Thoughts:
iMPACT has been really good, especially the last two weeks, and the participants in KOTM, the X-Division match, LAX/Harris-Rhino, and even Sting/Daniels should have a decent amount of wrestling. Of course, the big story will be Jeff Jarrett being rewarded for his wife dying; sounds blunt and harsh, but I’ll take a sappy but legitimate feel-good story over an exploding limo any day. July and August tend to be TNA’s down period, at least over the past two years, so hopefully we’ll move forward with some fun stuff and have a summer of fun.
Brad's Thoughts:
Something feels "off" about this show. It doesn't feel as big as it should for some reason. I think it's all of the randomness. Football Guy is thrown in as almost an afterthought and the top two matches on the card have big question marks hovering over them. Plus the X Division is barely present. Where's Petey? Where's Senshi? Stone Cold Sharkboy? Serotonin? Maybe on the preshow? I doubt it. Anyway, Chris will be in attendance, so, have fun there buddy! We'll be looking for ya!
Chris's Thoughts:
The build to this show has been fun, but I also can't shake the feeling that TNA is distracted with other things right now. Hopefully those other things involve a two hour TV slot and a renewed mega-push for Joe. On the other hand, maybe its me and my summer doldrums that have been distracted, who knows? But with the knowledge that RVD is at most two months away from his TNA debut, probably bringing Sabu along with him, there's a good chance that TNA really IS looking more toward the future than the present.
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Opinions, we all have them. Our's is not the same as yours. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. The point is, if you don't agree fine. If you do agree, even better. Just realize this: everything said on these pages, is an opinion, and should be taken as such. If you are offended by what is said, just don't come back. Please do not resort to childish flaming or spamming of our message board or monk.e.mail address below, but do feel free to drop us a line with any intelligent comments you may have.
Thanks,
Brad & Tim. |
DMLives@gmail.com
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